The ramblings of a man touched by God

Why do Christians Bury their Wounded?


Graveyard full of wounded Christians

How Many are You Responsible for?

This question has puzzled me for years in ministry.  Why do good christian people turn their back on their brothers and sisters who are hurting and wounded?  Why do they judge someone who has stumbled or backslid?  Why do they judge others more harshly than  they would want others to judge them and 10 times harder than they judge themselves?  I believe this comes down to pride and lack of understanding (actually lack of teaching) of the concept of Grace.  

This is a failure of the pulpit today.  For some reason, the idea that you are saved by Grace, and did nothing to deserve it or merit it is not taught in the church today.  What is taught is how to “be a good person” or a “good Christian”.  I believe that being a “good Christian” is an oxymoron.  Bet that ticks you off huh?  You are saying right now – Rider – you are a jerk cause I AM A GOOD CHRISTIAN.  

In the new testament, there was no such mention of a good christian.  A faithful one-yes.  An obedient one – sure.  But a good one?  You see the world’s idea of a “good christian” would be a quiet one.  One who sits in the pew wearing his dockers and topsiders, freshly shaved, no ink or piercings and with a nice clean cut hair cut.  (no ponytails or shaved heads)

That is the church’s description of a “good christian”.  

So it is easy to bury the wounded that does not conform to that standard.  Stray from the in-crowd at church and they will turn their back on you quicker than a w0man can max out a credit card.  The wounded may even be their own kind who strays too far from the norm.  Perhaps one who is going through a divorce – even for Biblically based reasons.  

But I blame the pastors and elders.  They are the ones who permit or even foster this kind of behavior among their flock.  They are more concerned with keeping the peace (and the tithes coming) than in properly teaching the people that but for the Grace of God go I. 

The community that I live in in Kentucky seems to embrace this concept of abandoning those wounded. I have never witnessed this behavior so prevalent than I do here.  Again, I lay blame with the leaders.  I have witnessed a pastor’s wife intentionally turn her back on my wife, even though my wife was involved in that church for over 5 years.  You see, my wife divorced her husband because he had molested their daughter. If that is not reason for divorce, nothing is.  In fact, divorce is light compared to what that “man” deserves. God warns against hurting children.  Something about a millstone. 

Grace is all we have as christians.  Without it, we have nothing.  If you do not understand the concept of God favoring you even though you have never and will never deserve it, then you need to study it.  You did not deserve what God has done for you in the sacrifice of Jesus.  And there is nothing you can ever do to merit His favor apart from what He has done. 

All you can do is accept it and begin to understand the depth of it. 

The next time you see a brother or sister stumble, or sin, or backslide or whatever, have some compassion.  You do not have a clue what they are going through.  Just put your arm around them and tell them you are there for them.  

Next time, it could most certainly be you with those wounds. It has been me many times. 

RiderforJC – A many-time-wounded-follower of Jesus Christ only by the Grace of God


10 Responses to “Why do Christians Bury their Wounded?”

  1. Rider, that’s awful what they did to your wife! It totally burns me that people seem to think once they’re saved they’ve “made the country club” and can now be superior to others. Jeesh! We all sin, and the church’s reluctance to teach how we extend grace and brotherly love is just plain wrong!

    However, I will encourage you. Not all churches are like that. Not all preachers and teachers are avoiding those issues. Maybe not where you are, but where I am, and there are many more. Remember God’s encouragement to Elijah that there are thousands more who haven’t bent the knee to Baal.

    Pray for them Rider.

  2. Yesterday 5 members of the chruch I pastor verbally abused me.
    We are United Methodist and I was simply following the book of discipline in a voting matter. One woman yelled, “We’ve never followed that book before, no body in this congregation even has one.” I am tired of fighting the people I am trying to help.
    They don’t want to reach out to anyone outside the church walls.
    It’s a family reunion every sunday and to Hell with the rest of the world. God forgive them and God help me. I’m tired.

  3. I had belongged to a church of 15 years, where I received Christ as my savior in 1992. I was a single mother when this happened. I started dating a guy who I am married to now. Anyway like a dope I made a mistake and left my 11 year old home alone, something I regret every day. My girl is in foster care and she is 13 now. Anyway my ex husband told a bunch of lies to get me into trouble things I did not do. Between he and my older girl they spread horrible lies about me. The church of 15 years turned their backs on me. Only 1 person out of 1100 wil even speak to me, and the ones that do when I run into them are very hateful to me. Because of this I am now going to another church here where I live. My pastor here says it is horrible the way this church treats me. This one lady is like don’t call me to testify for you. Your daughter is better off where she is, but yet my daughter is still getting into trouble 50 miles away from me.

    In short Community Heights Alliance in Iowa have buried me. I get no compassion from any of them there. I feel like God has left me alone. God and my youngest have forgiven me, but everyone else has judged me harshly and when I try to tell them most of the things they were told were lies and I could prove it, in short they would rather turn their backs on me. What I would give for one of them to put their arm around me and say we are here for you, but instead all I get is your a bad mother she is better off in foster care. I raised my kids on my own from 1999 to two years ago. The people that used to say I was doing a good job as a single mother now are totally cruel.

    My husband a non believer has shown me more compassion then the whole church of 1100. Please pray for me. I want my daughter back. The original turn in was done by my ex husband and my older daughter. My older girl knows the original turn in was a lie and refuses to come forward, and alas I lost my church home of 15 years.
    Your sister in Christ

  4. Out of curiosity, was this Lexington, KY? There, the in-clique runs the churches and they with glee destroy their wounded. I no longer live there after years of being slandered and tormented by the church. I now live in another state and don’t attend church. All churches I have encountered in my adult life were guilty of burying their wounded.

    • Actually it was in Georgetown, KY. Amazing how people whom God has put into a position of power (which should be a humbling experience) many times are the very people who should never be in a position of authority. The pain which some of these people cause lasts a lifetime. No wonder that the Bible never once mentions “trusting man”. Trust is reserved only for God.

  5. it comes to mind the scripture in the bible that states : dont let everyone desire to become pastors for they will be judged with a strickter judgment ! and also :stike the shepard and the sheep will be scattered !how much must the devil love division and targeting the leaders to the hurt of the sheep! but yet even as the offended and gravely hurt we still have a responsibility whether we do it or not we are to bless those who persecute us and pray for those who spitfully use us, i must say i find it strange that someone can say something about undeserved grace and than make a comment like:

    ” In fact, divorce is light compared to what that “man” deserves. God warns against hurting children. Something about a millstone.”

    while i am not seeking to deminish the perversity of the sin commited we are still ALL deserving of the death penalty and we are made righteous only BY JESUS not by being more or less of a sinner than this man? so the above seems somewhat contradictory, whats even sadder still is that people have chosen to vent on the internet where anyone like me can come on and be fueled by the fire of the hurts and wrongs committed ? the truth is not many of us want to be like Jesus and while being crucified be able to say father forgive them they nknow not what they are doing,

    would not the greatest testimony be that of God’s enabling power for you to forgive and testify to that effect?
    I could join you and tell of the hurts and things done or said to me but would i be any better off? would that make things better? we can talk about people being exclusive or inclusive one side says we are all clean lets get together and banish the dirty while the other side comes together and says we are all hurt lets start a group seperate from the offenders are we all not in need of the same thing! JESUS

    Vengence is mine i shall repay says the LOrd!

    do we really believe that? if so should we take matters into our own hands? Think about it?

    God help us ALL :

    Dirty,clean,offended ,pink,yellow,blue black white brown and the list is endless.

  6. Yes my husband left me a few years ago. I left the church we were going to then. People sided with him and he got with this woman in our church that i had believed was chasing him at the time. They are still together even though we havent divorced and are both in ministry. It hurts still.

  7. The woman before was disrespectful of me as well. Making jokes about me to my husband behind my back as well as in front of my son.

  8. I’ve personally been shunned and victimized in church(es) now for 20 years. Frankly, I’ve had enough. I’ve decided God has allowed it, and probably to cut the umbilical cord, or rather unbiblical cord in me.
    I hurt at the idea of change, its scary… Especially cuz I always believed going to church was the right thing to do, but I don’t think so any more. I wanna go to a home fellowship that just teaches the word. I’m so tired of jeaousy in the church, … I’m hust really hurting right now… sorry for dumping.

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